Congratulations to the USA women’s soccer team on winning another World Cup.

I watched none of it.

Didn’t even know it was happening.

Soccer is so far off my radar that when someone says the word “soccer” I have to pause and think about what they’re referring to.

This isn’t a diss post about soccer. Yeah, I think it’s horrible to watch, but some say the same to me about hockey. I also think it would be horrible to play due to all the running.

Some people like running and those people can’t be trusted. Therefore, soccer is played by untrustworthy people.

I like my sports with trustworthy people. If you don’t count Aaron Hernandez, OJ Simpson, Michael Vick, Barry Bonds, and most likely Ray Lewis, I typically stick to my code.

My intent here is to tell everyone, who has lately become soccer worshippers, to stop talking to me about soccer.

America doesn’t care about soccer and I stand with America.

Is it cool America won? Yes. Does it bother me our men’s team sucks? No. I barely even knew we had a men’s team.

It’s like hearing that your mom’s aunt’s father-in-law’ friend’s dog died. Sad story but it’s not stopping this train.

Our men’s team can never win another soccer game (match? who knows? who cares?) and I won’t miss a beat with my life. We win in things that matter. World Wars and Super Bowls. I don’t see anyone knocking on our door to challenge that.

I’m being told that our women’s team doesn’t make as much money as the men’s team and people are upset about it.

Pay ’em. Don’t care. If I had the money, I’d pay them whatever they wanted if I just didn’t have to hear about soccer anymore.

It’s not just soccer, so soccer fans calm down. It’s anything that I don’t care about. I don’t want you to try and convert me to anything.

You hear me Jehovahs Witnesses? Stop sliding your propaganda in beer boxes at Walmart.

I just want to care about sports that can’t be played for two hours, end in a tie, and everyone walks off the field like they accomplished something.

That’s like having a good outing on the shitter only to find out you laid a ghost turd.

This turned out to feel a lot like a soccer bashing post.

Really not my intent.

Just looking for peace.

44 days till football’s back and the world can go back to ignoring soccer, which is actually probably already happening.

Comment below if you love soccer. I love hearing about it.