You want an explanation.

You deserve an explanation.

I don’t have an explanation.

The last thing I remember, we had just recorded the best podcast we had ever done. I laughed so hard during it that it felt like my eyes were going to explode. We had a room full of people and we were recording an absolute banger.

Except we weren’t. The mics were never turned on.

The most electric podcast we had ever recorded was only picked up by the microphone on my laptop. It sounded like two muskrats humping in a solo cup.

I deleted it. Then things went black for The Oakdale.

I’ve heard your cries, I’ve read your emails, I saw you shine The O in the sky hoping that one day we would return.

Well, I’m back and I think we need to discuss the “Rolling Hills Project”.

Let me start by saying, I’m on board. I think it’s a great idea to do something to entertain the community and give the youth something to do. We can only read the jail report so many times in a week. We need something to fill the entertainment void.

I’d love to see this whole thing happen. I’ll hate to lose the back nine of the golf course, but that’s typically where I fall apart anyway. To the friend of mine that just laughed and said, “You fall apart after you tee off.” I hate you.

My favorite part of the whole plan is the Splash and Play area. That’s going to need an age limit, but I hope it doesn’t have one. I can’t wait to see the clientele it will attract. Local vagabonds needing a shower, 700 lb. Aunt Bessie looking for a place to cool off in her two piece. Better put an ash tray in it or Aunt Bessie will just flick them Virginia Slim butts right in the drain.

We may even see a local legend stop by to let his horse have a drink. That would make my chest explode with euphoria and I would sell everything I have for a photo of it.

The amphitheater is a must. Definitely book a bunch of gospel groups and bluegrass bands. Kids love that. I heard a guy just the other night roll around the square blaring “Amazing Grace” with his windows down. It has bass notes you wouldn’t expect. A real sub woofer shaker, if you will.

A local restaurant I lived near growing up use to have Bluegrass Night. You couldn’t beat the kids away with a stick. They were trading in their Hip Hop and Rock albums left and right to save up for a banjo. Damndest thing I ever saw.

I hope they have open mic night for comedians. They won’t. But it’d be a good place to work on my set. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. Chances are people wouldn’t understand my sarcasm and proceed to run me over with their mini vans and monster trucks in the parking lot. My real fans would laugh but the lady who emails me my grammar errors and the one who thinks I should “get my facts together” would for sure leave salty.

I made a few jokes there (by the way its ludicrous that I have to say that) but I stand by my original statement. We need this place. What I don’t want to see is someone tear up the back nine, put walls around it, and say “oops”. I know a place like that and it made people fussy. I don’t like when my people are fussy.

Let’s make Logan County great again finally.