Network marketing. Direct selling. Referral marketing. Pyramid scheme.

Multi-level marketing is fascinating to me due to its cockroach esque resilience. Every time you think we get rid of one company selling lotions and teas we get another one selling coffees and weight loss miracles. Oh and I can sell it too?!

Sign me up! I for sure have five suckers friends who would love to sell this too!

Chance are you have been involved or know someone who has been involved with these style companies. I’m not ashamed to say that I fell victim as well. I say victim, but I found success and liked the company. I stacked my paper till the well dried up and moved on. That’s why I won’t bash them. I am constantly saying live your best life and if selling overpriced gaudy stretchy pants is yours, do your thing boo boo.

I’ll never bash anyone for trying to live their best life and cash helps fund a best life.

But keep in mind, every time you post about it on my social media’s, I have thoughts of you drowning.

I get it. You were told the stories of “financial freedom”. Chances are you watched a video of someone standing outside their dream home telling you about how the company changed their life. They were just like you, but they took a chance. You can do it too.

You want that life. You gotta sell. What better marketing tool than social media?

I feel you.

That’s why I’m here too. It’s either this or going cart to cart in Walmart telling them about a website where they get to see the inner workings of my mind or how to listen to a podcast where we discuss things like waist band tucks.

Not as productive.

When you post about your miracle product I don’t immediately think about you under water, I evaluate your post’s production to see if I’m justified. I look at past posts, average your stats, and come up with my judgement.

I’m not the type to just hate something. I have to fully immerse myself in it so I can fully understand my hatred.

If you’re getting a response. I move on. I wish you would post your crap on a business page, but I move on.

However, when you’ve posted about it forty times in a month and you’re averaging one like and one comment from your grandma telling you to call her. It’s time to piss on the fire and call in the dogs. Party’s over. No market. No money.

What do you do? Get “coaching” from the savage that signed you up. They say persistence is key. Annoy them till they buy. So you post. Every two hours. Every day.

Every. Single. Day.

With. No. Response.

It blows my mind. It’s like the stray dog in my neighborhood. No matter how many times I tell him to piss off, he still comes back. Eventually, I suspect he will understand that I won’t feed him. Then he will move on. Or get hit by a truck.

Tough life out there for strays.

These companies rarely divert from the script. The main target is typically weight loss.

Weight loss tea. Weight loss coffee. Weight loss lotions. Weight loss oils.

Easy market. Everyone hates their body. Everyone wants a miracle drug so they won’t have to get off their fat ass and do a push up. It’s easier to take a weight loss pill than to go on a weight loss walk.

Why don’t they come up with something that fights fat that typically causes fat? Where’s my miracle weight loss cheeseburger? I’d love to wash it down with a miracle weight loss beer.

“Chief how did you lose all that weight? Those abs are crisp!”

Oh it was easy! I’ve been eating fat burning cheese puffs and getting piss drunk on Busch Extra Lights!

Show me that company and I’m in.

We don’t need a miracle weight loss tea. Chances are, if we liked tea we wouldn’t have got into this situation in the first damn place.

Moral of the story, if your moving product, post away. I’ll probably unfollow you, but I support you.

If you’re not. Pack up. Move on. You’re in the way of my cat videos.

Didn’t mean to get so fired up there. But since I am, I guess I’ll start my next piece on the essential oil fraud.

Also, didn’t have time to edit, so random lady who sends me emails every time I make a typo, I look forward to our correspondence.