SAN DIEGO — You may want to think twice the next time you squeeze your cheeks together to hold in your gas.
Farts have the potential to be released from your mouth if you hold them in, according to research from the University of Newcastle.
Clare Collins, a professor in Nutrition and Dietetics says that holding in gas builds up pressure and could be released in unexpected ways.
Professor Collins had this to say on the subject:
“Trying to hold it in leads to a build up of pressure and major discomfort.
A build up of intestinal gas can trigger abdominal distension, with some gas reabsorbed into the circulation and exhaled in your breath. Holding on too long means the build up of intestinal gas will eventually escape via an uncontrollable fart.
Farting has been a staple in my family for generations. Some of my best memories revolve around flatuants. We don’t hold back in my family. No no no. We feel it, we fire.
Not everyone has such a liberal stance on blasting ass. For instance, my wife comes from a family whom I have heard pass gas probably less than ten times over the course of our ten year relationship.
When we first started dating it was a culture shock for me. I had to hold back my gas for the first time in my life. For me it always ended in one of two ways; once I got to the car to leave, I would release a fart that shook my windows or I would hold it to the point where I would encounter some premature rectal turbulance and disrupt the “Fart Free Zone” that had been established.
Today, a majority of the conflicts that occur between my wife and I revolve around farts. If I’ve told her once, I’ve told her a thousand times, I will not hold back in my home. It’s not healthy.
Up to this point, I’ve had no evidence to support my theory. Now, Clare Collins comes in and drops a knowledge bomb that confirms my suspicions. While I never knew it could come out of the mouth, it’s great information to have. I’ve met a few folks along my journey who’s breath smelt as if they had been holding back trouser trumpets for years.
Farting is natural, healthy, and damn funny. Let me pass on advice to you that was given to me, don’t trust anyone who can’t laugh at a fart. No matter your age or social status, if you can’t laugh at a fart, you’re no better than a terrorist.
A few years ago I was at a conference for work. I was sharing a hotel room with a few people I knew and a one I had just met. After the conference, we got a hotel and did some bar hopping. The next morning I was in a wonderful deep sleep. The type of sleep that is only attainable after a bar tab that is borderline triple digits.
I’m asleep in the floor, between the two beds, due to being the last one to make it back to the hotel thanks to an Uber ride from hell.
All of a sudden, the guy whom I have known for less that 24 hours, releases a butt bazooka that very well could have knocked the hotel off of its foundation. It was so loud that it drug me out of a drunken slumber to wide awake. I swear on everything I saw the sound waves this human hydrogen bomb created as it passed above my head.
It was, and still is, the greatest fart I have ever heard.
No one in the room made a peep. We were rendered speechless. Once we all got up and moving we gave the man the credit he was due, but no words could provide it with the praise it truly deserved. He went from stranger to to idol with one wondrous sphincter siren.
Why do I tell you this?
I tell you this because for years people have shamed farts. They treat those of us that release our gas as inferior and meretricious. They refuse to allow us a seat at their pompous table.
No more I say.
Science is on our side. Don’t fall victim of fart-shaming practices. If you feel it, fire it. You never know when you may stumble across the one that will make you a legendary figure in someone’s eyes. Most of us are looking for some way to make a lasting impact on other people’s lives and you may have been holding it in this whole time.
It ends today. We are in this together. No one fights alone.