New York Times

Bourbon is flowing in Kentucky, but don’t grab a glass.

Thousands of full barrels of bourbon, and possibly other spirits, came crashing down when a storage warehouse in Bardstown, Ky., partly collapsed on Friday.

The collapse at the Barton 1792 Distillery campus was called in to emergency services about 10:55 a.m., Milt Spalding, an emergency services director in Nelson County, said during a news conference on Friday.

The structure houses about 20,000 barrels, and an aerial video showed half of the building demolished. About 9,000 barrels were amid the rubble, Mr. Spalding said. Each barrel holds 53 gallons.

Before we get in to what may be one of the most tragic stories I have ever heard in my life, let’s give the New York Times the slow clap they deserve for their little opening line.

“Bourbon is flowing in Kentucky, but don’t grab a glass.”

Maya Salem wrote that little nugget and I wonder if she showed that to someone else before she posted it and they agreed it was funny or if she didn’t tell anyone but looked around the office with a shit eating grin like, “Wait till you guys read this zinger, you’ll be calling me the queen of comedy for sure.”

I hate what I call “Journalist Jokes.” Cute little zings and thoughtless puns to throw into an article, end a news segment on television, or whatever. You get it.

I wonder if they have to take a course over half ass jokes in college before they get their journalism degree or if they just pick up that sweet talent after the fact?

Journalists have the ability to take you to places all over the world with just their words or tell you stories that make you feel like you are right in the middle of the action. It’s a beautiful and remarkable talent that I truly admire.

Then we have Maya with, “Bourbon is flowing in Kentucky, but don’t grab a glass.”

Sheesh. She’s getting paid, ya know? I’m over here just handing out free laughs like candy and she’s getting a check for that. Cruel world.

Anyway, they spilt a little bourbon in Bardstown. Just a few nine thousand 53 gallon barrels of fine Kentucky bourbon.

People seem surprised by this, but did they see the barn? It looked like it had been there since they invented bourbon. A mouse fart could have blew it over. 1792 is a fine bourbon, you’d think they’d update some facilities.

That’s part of bourbon though, right? The look? When you think of bourbon you think of oak barrels and barns that might fall over and take a dirt nap at any second.

I’m not a bourbon guy, so my thoughts and prayers go out to those that are during this difficult time. I know, if you’re from Kentucky you have to drink bourbon. I get it. But, I’m getting too old to drink things that taste like gasoline. Not to mention I see no reason to wake up feeling like someone shoved an elephant in my head anymore. Bourbon hangovers are the worst. Everybody knows it.

“Bourbon is flowing in Kentucky, but don’t grab a glass.”

Good grief…