When I came up with this hashtag, I didn’t realize how fast it would spread. Things escalated quickly. Many of you have heard some pretty extravagant things as to who I am. When the mask finally comes off, I can assure you that you will be overwhelmed with disappointment. I’m good at two things in life, podcast intros and letting people down. Ask my wife.

Many of the rumors you told contain truth. I screenshotted all I could see and I will shed some light on them now. Unfortunately, some of you have privacy settings that suck so if you posted, I didn’t see it. The shmucks and I gathered as many as we could so let’s figure it out shall we?

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I think you have me and Rowdy Rob confused. Actually, I know you have me and Rowdy confused. I don’t get down like that. I always hated the Earnhardt family for Dale Senior’s crimes against Terry Labonte at Bristol in ’99. People forget.

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I shoot threes and slap shots cuz, not fish. Do people still claim Jesse James did that? Didn’t that guy have a pretty busy schedule? “I know we just robbed the bank boys but let’s ride down to the courthouse, I gotta pop that fish in the ass one time.”

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“Have a good one! Woo!” That’s my dude. Seen that neck beard? Pretty bushy. Word on the street is he has a nest of bald eagles in there.

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You haven’t seen beer jerky since have you? I rest my case.

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I’ve always had a money making mentality. You could sell ’em for a dollar a smoke back in the day. Then when the day was over you’d go in Mutts and get a bottle of Mad Dog. I was a hard ass 6 year old.

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I called her Scratch. We went everywhere together. That particular day, I’d guzzled a thirty rack without breaking the seal. When we got to the top of the mountain I let it go, and wah-lah, Muhlenberg County had a reason to exist.

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It’s good to get away for a while and live your best life. No better place on Earth to do so than Dogwood Lake. The sun sets just right and makes the lake shine like you wouldn’t believe. It’s not the water that shines, nah that water is murky as hell, it’s the reflection of the used heroine needles floating in the water.

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Of course I do. You should too. No one likes the guy who makes you wait only to bust a right and head down 4th. There’s a name I call those people, rhymes with smother sucker.

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I call that “Saturday”.

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American as they get. But, I do have a pretty solid hispanic accent I can do. It flares up on Barley Pop Sports from time to time. Give us a listen. New episode drops Saturday. We are also going to be on Google Play. #Plug

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Aphi wasn’t there. He couldn’t get through customs because they said his golf clubs were “weapons of mass destruction”. Chubbs was there though. We played skins. If he won, he got to cut my arm off, if I won, I got to keep his fake arm. After I won I tied a brick to it and threw it in the pond on 10.

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Then I pantsed him in front of everybody. He wears tighty whiteys. He cried, like you would expect.

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They didn’t even score. People forget. They were going to do a 30 for 30 for it but I got blackout the night before and missed the shoot. Rumor is LeBron doesn’t remember that day, but he occasionally has nightmares of the one man he never wants to see in a pair of basketball shorts.

What a blast. Thanks for playing along. I can’t say you’ll know who is behind The Chief any time soon, but I can say we will have video content coming out within the next couple of weeks. #StayWoke

Edit: I now realize I left a few out. My apologies. I’ll do better next time.