The Logan County Humane Society will be sponsoring a Candidate Forum today at the old Logan County Courthouse from 4:00pm to 6:30pm. Sounds like a real blasty blast to me, as I’m sure it does to you too. There’s no better way to kick off your weekend than by hanging out with your local politicians. It’s important to know who you’re voting for and get any questions you have answered. But, if that’s not enough to get you hyped, here’s five reasons you better show up to the Candidate Forum.

1: $5 Hot Dog Plate

Seems high to me, but that’s not the point. Use this to your advantage. Politicians are gonna politic. See which candidate you can get to whip out his wallet and buy you a plate first. Make it clear that for a Ball Park Frank and a bag of Barbecue Lays chips, your vote could swing. The best approach is to go to each table and tell them how the hot dogs sure smell good and give ’em the ole’ double wink. Someone will cave.

2: Free Cookies

I have no idea if there will be free cookies or not. What kind of politician would show up without them though? One that’s not getting my vote, that’s who. Any politician worth his weight would swing by Subway and grab a platter of cookies for his people. Any candidate that brings ginger snaps is an automatic no vote.

3: Anonymous Questions

They are allowing guests to submit anonymous question to the candidates for them to answer. You can really bring the heat with some anonymous questions. Great questions to ask are:

“Why are you better than the other guy?”

“Why hasn’t George R.R. Martin released Winds of Winter yet?”

“Who would win in a tickle fight between you and your opponent?”

Really make these candidates think. They need to be ready for anything.

4: Rumors

It’s an election. Let’s get dirty shall we? Plant little rumors like seeds and see if they will grow. For example, “I heard Ricky wears cargo shorts on the golf course.” Or, “I heard Johnny Boy drinks Smirnoffs.” Really get in there and get your hands dirty. Make it fun. By the end of the night maybe someone will cry. What a show that’ll be.

5: Beer Pong

They aren’t advertising that there will be beer pong played, but each candidate is suppose to bring a card table for their set up so I’m connecting some dots here. All you need to do is bring in a thirty rack of Natty Light, a sack of solos, and a pack of ping pong balls; throw a few of those tables together and turn this thing into a party. Each candidate can go head to head or you can set up a bracket and see which candidate can run the table. Maybe a good bender will mend some broken bonds in a few of the races. They’ll hug it out and say “I love you man” over and over. That’ll be nice. A real tear jerker.

There ya go. There’s five reasons to make sure you’re in attendance for the Humane Society’s Candidate Forum at the Old Courthouse. Should be a real nice time. If not, The Oakdale will host its own version and we will do the damn thing right. See ya there and don’t forget to spay and neuter your pets!