Q: You are walking through a forest and find a suitcase with a million dollars in it. Also in the suitcase, you find a note written in blood that reads, “Don’t.”

Would you take the suitcase home or leave it?

This question might be tough for some, but it only took me a second to say, “Hell yeah, I’m taking that.”

To answer the question honestly, you have to first realize how much a million dollars is. That number gets thrown around a lot, so it loses its luster for many people. The average person makes about $35,000 per year so let’s pretend you are around that.

You may make more or you may make less, if you’ll look real close, you’ll notice I don’t care.

It would take you twenty eight and a half years to make a million dollars at 35k a year. Or you could pick up this slightly scary suitcase and boom, you got spare time on your hands for the next couple of decades.

Maybe those numbers don’t change your mood. Maybe I need to talk to you in terms of material objects. A million dollars could buy you 313,479 Cheesy Gordita Crunch’s or 93,543 copies of the book How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety.

Like Ferrari’s? A million dollars will get you five of them. You and four of your closest friends can drive them all to Walmart and double park them, taking up ten parking spaces, like most sports car assholes do.

Starting to understand what a million George Washington’s can do for you?

Sure, there’s a scary bloody note inside. But, we don’t need to make assumptions here. Maybe the person who wrote the note was a Journey fan. During their final moments they were trying to write “Don’t Stop Believing” but petered out before they could finish.

Perhaps they were trying to write “Don’t spend this in one place.” That’s good advice from a dead man. They did you a solid. It really puts a kink in the 313,479 Gordita Crunch plan, but it’s probably the responsible thing to do.

There’s also a chance we are looking at the note backwards. You didn’t think of that did you? Good to keep me around. “t’noD” is a weird thing to write in blood on a piece of paper, but it could be his name.

Or her name. Sorry to assume gender.

Sure, t’noD would be a weird name to have, but I bet people said the same thing about Topanga, until they saw Boy Meets World.

The point is, we don’t know enough about the note to keep us from cashing in. So take the suitcase, forget the note, and pick out the color Ferrari you want.

Do you have a hypothetical situation you want solved on Hypothetical Tuesday? Message me and I’ll answer my favorite ones in the future.