Let’s continue with The Masters theme shall we?

Everyone knows golf is better when you are golfing with a group. There’s more people to kick you in the privates after a bad shot and more people to give the universal “suck it” sign to after you pipe one down the fairway. My usual foursome consists of whoever answers the phone first when I call. It’s typically a solid group, but if I could assemble the perfect foursome to golf with, it would be as follows…

Danny DeVito

Every group needs a funny man and Danny is one of the funniest. I look forward to watching him shank a ball and get all pissy. I can think of few things funnier than the short, angry, New Jerseyian cussing and kicking after a trash tee shot. Also, I think watching watching someone below five foot swing a club would provide plenty of entertainment. Danny would no doubt bring the booze and that’s a must have man on the golf course.

Charles Barkley

Charles is a hilarious human too. Not to mention, me being the basketball fan I am, we could find a lot to talk about. I assume he will bring the best snacks as well. He looks like a guy who knows his way around the bakery. But, the main reason I’ll give the call to “The Round Mound of Rebound” is because his golf game is atrocious. His swing resembles cat vomit. Watching him swing is like watching a newborn baby deer try to walk, then get smashed by an Mack truck. I’ll need a guy like that around to make me feel better about my game. You never want to be the worst guy in the group and I’m not sure how good Danny is.

Tiger Woods

Real original, I know. But if you’re going to have your dream foursome you have to get the greatest guy to ever play the game. I don’t want him because of all his greatness. If I wanted to watch him hit amazing shots I’d just turn on the television. I want him in my foursome so I can ask questions like:

“What was it like to sleep with Loredana Jolie, Holly Sampson, and Joslyn James?”

“What mix of pills did you take when you got that DUI? Looked wild. Asking for a friend.”

“What’s it like to get hit with a nine iron?”

“How annoying was it when Lindsey tried to talk about snow sports? Women sports, amiright?”

That’s a pretty elite foursome. I’d take that group on any scramble in America. What’s your dream foursome? Let’s me know in the comments.