March Madness is winding down and if your team hasn’t been eliminated yet, they likely will be soon. Unless your team happens to be Duke. Unfortunately, this is a Duke year and there’s nothing we can do to stop it.
There are two different ways to handle a loss; like a loser and like a champ. No one wants to be a loser so let me tell you how to take a loss like a champ.
Blame the refs. No way your team losses if the zebras didn’t despise them. No doubt the refs came to the arena with a personal vendetta against your team. It is well documented your team always gets the shaft. Let’s ignore the fact that they couldn’t throw the ball in the ocean. Forget about how your teams’ defense basically set up a lay up line for the opposition. All refs dude. I got your back.
Make excuses. The more the merrier. Don’t stop at refs. Everyone knows if JoJo would’ve played things would be different. The time wasn’t really the best, who plays good at 6pm? No one. That’s who. You had the toughest bracket and everyone knows it. Make up technical stuff no one will understand. Tell them how you hadn’t faced a “Tiger Eleven Outside BMW Zone” all year and there really wasn’t enough time to prepare. Say it with confidence and no one will argue. You’re right. You’re always right.
Break shit. Go ahead man. Nothing revenges a loss like a broken lamp. You can always patch that wall. No one liked that picture of Nana anyway. The more you break the better you’ll feel. Don’t stop at cheap stuff either. Show some team pride will you? Hop in your truck and crash that puppy straight into your house. Hop out and flip a cig in the gas tank and watch it all burn. Way to go Chief. You showed them.
After you complete these tasks, get on Facebook. People want to know how you feel, trust me. Make a paragraph long post about how you’re still a fan through the ups and downs. People will be wondering if you’re gonna flip teams so it’s best to squash those rumors ASAP. Everyone will read it and probably nominate you for a Pulitzer Prize. You’ll win. Of course you’ll win. If by some chance you don’t, blame the refs.