America is fat. No doubt. No denying. Been that way for a minute. When I can buy a cheeseburger for a buck or a salad for five bucks what do you expect? Everyone wants to look and feel better. The only people who look in the mirror and don’t want to change what they see are the blind.

I consider myself to be healthy. I have never been overweight. I am rarely sick. I always feel energized and ready to rip.

But I have been roped in to other people’s diets multiple times now. They will come to me and tell me how much energy they have and how much better they feel. I have read about super foods and their benefits. I have read about carbs and sugar and how they are comparable to heroin.

It all eventually got in my head. I started having thoughts like, “Maybe I don’t feel that energized…” and “Maybe that would help me gain a little muscle.”

Let me tell you, after having tried a couple of diets, they suck.

I think they’re suppose to suck. That’s probably the point. But I tried to go sugar and carbohydrate free at one point and was ready to kill anyone in my path. I felt like I got hit by truck. I was actually praying to get hit by a truck. If people feel better living life that way I can’t imagine what they were going through before the diet.

“It feels so great, you just have to get through the detox phase!”

Shut your face hole. It’s pure hell.

“It’ll help you live a longer life!”

You know what I’m banking on? Genetics.

My grandparents lived well into the golden years and all I ever seen them eat was fried chicken. I don’t see the hype in trying to make it past 85 anyway. All my friends will be dead and my children and grandchildren will be well tired of picking me up out of the floor.

My strategies for life aren’t for everyone. You may need a diet you unhealthy slob. The hard part will be picking the right one. There’s only like a million different ones so good luck buddy. Some people say carbs are the devil but others say you better get some in. Some say an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but others say they have enough sugar to kill a tribe in Africa.

Seems to me like no one is really sure but everyone is making money off of it.

I recommend you know your body, know your health, know your genetics and eat accordingly. Get a workout regimen too because you can have all the perfect paints but if you never stroke the brush you’ll always have a blank canvas.

But don’t forget to enjoy life and eat the stuff you like because North Korea could blow us to Kingdom Come tomorrow.

If you find a diet you like, fantastic. But if you try to get me on board I will knock your lips slick off.