Fox News

United Express passengers traveling from San Francisco to Boise, Idaho were in for a fright on March 5, when a middle-aged female passenger flying first class had a bizarre outburst and tried to open the emergency exit door halfway through the trip, Idaho Statesmen reports.

“I want to die! Get me off this plane!” the woman reportedly yelled, before running for the exit, passengers told KBOI.

“I am God, I am God, I am God, I am God!” the woman hysterically cried as she tried to open the cabin door, before being restrained by fellow passengers with zip ties, according to the video footage.

This is the part of the blog where I’d like to send a personal “Thank You”, to everyone I have ever flown with, for not being a lunatic.

When I fly I’m pretty cool. Thanks mostly to my early arrival time and shots at the airport bar.

I’m not abrasive to anyone. I smile, give ’em a “Hey” “Hi” “How ya doing?”

Not because I care about them, I’m just not sure which one of them might be about to pop off in the terminal or try and fly the aircraft into the Earth.

When they decide to do either of those things I want them to remember to spare the nice guy who spoke to them a little bit ago.

Shame on you for not doing it.

I will have no remorse as I attempt to glide to the Earth with my parachute after being spared.

“Thanks Mr.Terrorist.”

“You’re welcome nice guy with spectacular hair.”

This lady was attempting to open the door, which wouldn’t have just killed her, but possibly the whole flight if the Pilot didn’t bring his A game to work that day.

This is where I step in as the sweet guy who said “hello” earlier, calm her the hell down, and save the day.

You’re welcome flight.

Maybe try not to be such an ass on your next trip, eh?

What I need now is a video of the hero that tackled her to keep her from opening the door and I need to know who in the hell brings zip ties on a commercial flight.

Good forward thinking. MVP Worthy.

Someone add “Middle-aged women who might think they are God” to TSA’s profiling list before my next flight please.