90 years. Somehow I thought it was longer but what do I know. Tonight we honor the biggest and brightest stars on their cinematic achievements. It is a night that will cement some into the history books and leave others heartbroken. And when the night ends, everyone will leave and jam cocaine in their nostrils till sunrise. What a beautiful night.
Or it use to be. At some point. Back when we were handing out the Oscar for Best Picture to movies that were actually entertaining like Gladiator, Braveheart, Titanic, and Forrest Gump. Those movies had real story lines. Real entertainment value. Iconic movies that have withstood the tests of time.
Now movies that send a message win. A lower class black male struggling with his sexuality? Moonlight checked every social issue box. Never mind the fact that no one even knew that movie existed and those of us that suffered through it’s entirety were bored to tears. That was the slowest movie ever.
Don’t worry about those things though, we would be considered racist homophobes if it didn’t win.
Think I’m wrong? Think I’m narrow minded? Be honest with yourself and try to imagine a time where you would watch that movie again?
The Oscars is also a key time for celebrities to political bash and talk about key social issues but ultimately offer no solutions. Which is super effective because as you can see it got their president elected…
This isn’t a political post. This isn’t a shot at Donkeys or a boost for Elephants, this is just a regular dude who wants to pop popcorn sit on the couch and watch my favorite actors and actresses get rewarded for their on screen accomplishments without it being bogged down by the extra.
I love movies, I hate political drama.
So tonight let’s award Dunkirk for being a magnificent story and not hand it to Get Out because it handled race issues and was super damn weird.
Let’s make it the entire show without some rich prick who lives in Beverly Hills telling us how to keep killing out of our schools.
Let’s enjoy ourselves tonight and come together. Let’s admire how awesome Cillian Murphy and Tom Hardy are.
Dunkirk for Best Picture or bust.
Or maybe that movie about the billboards. That may have been good too I just didn’t get to watch it.