Do I love my wife more than golf? Yes. Kind of. Most days. On average, yes.

But will I sign a letter stating that I won’t buy anymore golf equipment because I love my wife more than golf?

No.

Not under any circumstances is that happening.

Not because I love golf more than her, which I don’t, but simply because my wife doesn’t have my reproductive organs in her purse.

Unlike Jeff Heuerman of the Denver Broncos who did in fact sign a letter stating he would not buy another driver for the next five years because he loves his fiancé more than golf.

Golf is my escape from the house and my wife’s escape from me. There’s nothing better than riding in the cart, drinking a cold brewski, and slicing golf balls into oblivion. Not to mention the camaraderie with the guys at the course.

“How ya hitting em Bill?”

“Like hell Joe.”

“Better than being home with Susan though, right?”

“Damn straight Joe.”

Sometimes a man needs some new sticks to keep their game at peak levels. You can’t start slipping on the course in front of your boys, especially if you’re in a scramble. No one wants to scramble with the guy swinging Top Flites.

My wife fully supports my obsession with golf. If I want a new club I get it. Do I hide the receipts? Yes. But I get the club damnit. If she finds out how much it cost I do what any man would do and apologize and offer to buy her something nice.

Jeff Heuerman is trying to make the rest of us look bad. If one of our wives sees that trash she will start getting ideas and it will spread like wildfire. It’s unacceptable. I’m sure Jeff is just trying to get back in the bedroom with his lady but I’m not sure if he knows what ramifications this could have on all men in general. What have you done, Jeff?

Jeff must be stopped. Based on what I can find he’s 6’5” 250 so I’m obviously not going to volunteer for this mission solo but I’d be happy to get a team together or whatever we need to do.

Who’s with me?