I want to be an Olympic athlete. Forget my other post. Winter or Summer games I don’t care. I’m gonna start preparing now for the Summer Games in 2020. I’m not sure what event I’m going to pick but I’m looking for something that doesn’t require a lot of physical exertion. I’m not looking to sweat a lot and I want to be able to get gold medal hammered the night before and still participate in my event without begging for the javelin team to end my life.

I’ll be the first Olympian sponsored by Pedialyte and Tylenol.

Why my sudden interest in becoming an Olympic athlete? Well look no further than the CNN report that says the Olympic athletes were furnished with 110,000 condoms.

…the South Korea games have supplied athletes with 110,000 condoms. That’s 10,000 more than the number doled out to athletes during the previous Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia — and only about 100 more athletes are participating in this year’s games.

Keep your medals and Olympic glory. I’ll take a hand full of rain coats and a Swedish girl who doesn’t speak a lick of English.

Say hello to the post my mom disowns me for.

And yes, my wife is proud of who she married.

Honestly, I say the America bans the use of contraception in their village so we can build super athletes and secure Olympic dominance for years to come.

LeBron James and Selena Williams? Their offspring possess a serve that could melt asphalt with calves so large Greek gods would blush.

Michale Phelps and Allyson Felix? The product of their extracurricular activity would produce a human that could finish the 400m sprint and 4×200 freestyle swim faster than a Rick Pitino affair on a Italian restaurant table.

Shaun White and Lindsey Vonn? They’d be really good at snow stuff…? This one probably won’t ever happen because ya know…Tiger…and stuff…

You get the idea.

We have the possibility to create super humans. I think if we continue to allow the USA house in the Olympic Village to participate in the sinful act of contraception we are depriving our great country of future Olympic athletes that may or may not posses super powers.

While you ponder over that, I’ve got to go figure out how to get on the sailing team. Tokyo 2020, here I come.